I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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