Tell her she can't have a vagina
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
