Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
