Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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