I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
