It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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