I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Randomize
