If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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