So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
babies were throwing up all over the place
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
