Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
