took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
