By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
