can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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