My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
