I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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