I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
