we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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