i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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