i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Oh god it's open bar.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
