I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
