So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
