So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
