There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
