Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
