I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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