i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He felt like a one man threesome
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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