I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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