Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
