Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Randomize
