Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
