Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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