At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
