we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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