yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Can Purell be used as lube?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
