THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
