this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
