Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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