It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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