Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I have post one night stand depression
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