Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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