youre lurking in front of me
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
