Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
