Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
