The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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