p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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