Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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