I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
