ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
