Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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