I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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