I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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