She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
