where am i from again
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
